Counting With Lindsay.

One more rehearsal until opening. 

Two lovely boyfriends and a fantastic Pre-Valentine's Day. 

Three shows on the go. 

Four cups of coffee consumed today. 

Five minute calls given over the God mic make me smile. 

Six veggie nuggets in my belly. 

Seven days until my next day off. 

Eight unsharpened pencils in my kit. 

Nine cigarettes smoked. 

Ten Fabulous runs of King Lear to look forward to. 

Happy Valentine's Day My Loves!! 

Emo Thought of The Day.

You are like a chinook wind on a good hair day.
I love the way you feel, but you mess me up.

Technical Rehearsals.

Tick, tick, tick.
Time is passing.
I am standing still.
Too tired to be angry.
Too angry to be anything else.
I would like a mojito.
Instead I will settle for winter.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...
We will do it all again.
Keep the coffee coming.

Blow Winds and Crack Your Cheeks.

It is tech week. This means for the next 7 days I will be considered certifiably insane.
I forgot to eat today until about 10:40p.m. when my stomach was growling so audibly I could no longer ignore it.
I spent the entire day thinking about King Lear and only King Lear.
I did not miss anyone.
I did not stress about the fact that while I am not eating poor Nora is also not eating.
I did not worry that you can no longer see my bedroom floor due to the ever growing pile of dirty laundry.
I got confused, I got frustrated, other people became frustrated with me, I yelled, I praised, I hugged, I was angry and I celebrated.
I love what I do.
I am getting paid nothing but I am working with some of the most inspiring, creative, talented and beautiful people I have ever met.
Theatre will probably get in the way of every relationship I try to form.
My friends will be convinced I have abandoned them, my partners will think that I love my work more than them, and my pets will think that I care very little about their well being.
At some point all of these thoughts will be true.
I love what I do. The theatre is my one true love.
Theatre is my sadistic mistress.

Horn Rimmed Glasses.

Today I wore a plaid button up shirt and a cardigan. I felt like a hipster lesbian.
I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. It messes with me when I feel attracted to myself.
That being said I would date myself. Except I talk too much.

On a side note. I LOVE KING LEAR.

milk.

Growing up is kind of funny. Does it happen really quickly?  or so slowly you don't notice it? Like a frog in a pot.

I think I grew up.

I can't be certain though. Maybe I am just pretending to be grown up. What I've been doing lately does feel eerily similar to childhood role playing. Perhaps that is what growing up is. Maybe that is why we do it as children. To practice for "real life"

I am pretending to be grown up.

You just play house until you move out... then you just play house in your house. It is like having a really expensive toy.

I'm not really sure. I suppose it doesn't even matter.

The point is that I feel grown up. And I also feel like a liar.

Insomnia.

Awake.
Stuck again, lost again, scared again.
Breathe.
Art, Work, God...
Brain runs, body squirms, heart pumps.
One TWO three... One TWO three...
One Two.

Silence.

Awake.... again.

Warning.

Do not watch Cannibal Holocaust!!!
You will hate yourself and most of the universe if you do.
Seriously.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I've always had a hard time believing that saying. Perhaps because I was expecting immediate results.
"Oh look I am not dead! I must be superman now..."
It turns out it takes a really long time. Growing up seems to be a series of near death experiences that combine together to continually build up our strength.

I am starting to feel stronger.

It freaks me out when I notice my personal progression. I know that we are always changing, evolving growing... It is just one of those things that freaks me out when I think about it.
Like when you look up at the stars in the sky and feel really freaking small.
Or when you try to figure out if all people see colours the same way.

I've also been thinking about the song title Love Will Keep Us Together I am starting to think it applies less as the us, you and I, and more as the us, each individual individually. As in: if I did not have love I would fall apart. So, with that in mind I need to send some mad love into the universe to everyone that has supported me through my near death experiences.

Your love has kept me together and for that I am stronger.

I'm not happy and I'm not sad.

Consider this an embryonic post. 

A budding work in progress. 

Not really much of an introduction. 

Late. It is late. 

I always feel smaller at night. 

Perhaps, the world just seems bigger. 

Do you feel introduced? 

This Night Has Opened My Eyes 

And I Will Never Sleep Again. 

-The Smiths